Journal

To be honest, this month was hard. Harder than I ever thought it would be. God really had a funny way of showing me to put my trust in Him this month. It started the first week we were here in Cambodia. I was feeling under the weather and homesick one day so my team gathered around and prayed for me. I woke up that night soaked in sweat, congested and had a 102 degree fever. I felt miserable for a few days. And I kept asking “Why God? Why me? Why now, when I’m trying to do your work in the middle of Cambodia on the other side of the world?” But God kept saying “Trust me. I am here.” Psalm 46:1 says “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” He is here with us whenever we need Him. Apparently I needed to figure that out. The third week in Cambodia, I cut my finger…

Moments that shape you, that convict you, that teach you. Moments that lead to revelation and radical change. There have been many of these moments while in Cambodia, but one I really feel God has called me to share. I am walking in the crowded streets of Siem Reap on a busy Friday night. There are nice restaurants and shops to my left and right, bright lights and music, and tourists everywhere with smiles of excitement and adventure on their faces. I feel a huge knot forming in my throat and I’m paralyzed by what I currently see and am walking up to. Feelings of helplessness, confusion, and intense grief flood my heart and mind as I look ahead and see a man, crawling on the ground. He’s on his hands and knees with a basket around his neck. Time seems to stand still. I am closer now, I…

“Your unfailing love, O LORD, is as vast as the heavens; your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the ocean depths. You care for people and animals alike, O LORD. How precious is your unfailing love, O God! All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of your wings. You feed them from the abundance of your own house, letting them drink from your rivers of delight. For you are the fountain of life, the light by which we see.” Psalm 36:5-9 Mountains, mountains, mountains. Friday was one of my favorite days ever. We went to the waterfalls at Kulen Mountain in Siem Reap with our kids. The falls were STUNNING and the smiles on our kids’ faces were priceless. It was pure joy. However, when we got back to Battambang Saturd…

Imagine throwing up, feeling shaky and weak, being in over 100 degrees weather with nothing to cool you off but a little fan plugged in the wall, laying on a mattress overcrowded with bags and suitcases and crumpling in the corner to try and get some rest. Meanwhile, right outside the room, there is a movie playing loudly and kids are screaming and running around. Not exactly what you picture when you see me posting pictures with cute little children. The reality is, missions are not all fun and games. I haven’t felt warm and fuzzy the whole time here. On the day I described above, I talked harsher to a teammate than I wanted to, had no energy, and really just wanted to be home. But the beauty of God is that no matter where we are, no matter how we feel, He is with us and His grace p…

Day 16. I have officially been on Cambodian soil for 16 days. Throughout the duration of this trip, I can officially say I’ve mastered using the squatty potty, I’ve learned how to survive on MAYBE one water well shower throughout the week, how to sleep in a hammock, (since my kids backyard tent decided to betray me) and successfully survive without air condition and Wi-Fi, although, who really needs those? To give you a more in depth picture of what my time looks like here, I am serving with a team of six other super solid girls who love the Lord with all their hearts, might I add, and we are working with a ministry in Siem Reap called Life and Light. Monday through Saturday morning we are staying in the village of Po Peyl, and then we venture our way into the city on the weekends for …

This week in the village of Po Peyl seemed to happen so fast. Each day felt like weeks, but the week as a whole felt like a day. The days are slow and not filled to the brim with this activity or that thing to do. There is a lot of time for reflection. A lot of time to sit and soak and be still in the Lord. In my reflection the Lord has shown me how important it is for us to pursue God. This trip has been no ‘mountain top’ experience. Quite the opposite really. But it has taught me that even in said ‘valleys’ the Lord is worth praising. He is teaching me in so many small but also very significant ways on this trip. I’m learning how to live in His presence on a moment to moment basis. Apart from my my reflection, the ministry we are working with just gets sweeter and sweeter. With eac…

Loving on these kids has been far more challenging than I expected. I knew that I would be doing ministry with street children, but I clearly was not aware of what all that would entail. The past couple of weeks, the Lord has called me to love in a way that I have not had to do before. Through this, He has shown me how immeasurably perfect His love is for us. We pick up our kids in the mornings covered in dirt from sleeping on the ground, trash from digging for food, and feces from not being cleaned. They have open and infected wounds all over their frail bodies, lice in their unbrushed hair, and deep coughs accompanied by fevers up to 104 degrees. Some come without pants or a shirt and almost all come without shoes. Despite all these things that I’m really not used to, Jesus calls me …

Where are you right now, God? I find myself asking that question as a dozen kids run past me. For this month, I have flown away from home for a God-sized adventure in Cambodia. The organization my team of 6 girls and I are working with bathes, feeds, plays with, takes to school, and loves on the street kids of Cambodia. Right now it’s the children’s summer break, so we are here to help keep an eye on the children and give them the love and attention they so desperately need. But amidst piggy back rides and tickle wars, I want to see God. See Him in each moment. In Luke 18:35-43, it is recorded that a blind man was sitting on the roadside begging. He cried out to Jesus, and in response, Jesus asked, “What do you want me to do to you?” The beggar’s response was “Lord, I want to see.” …

My first week in the village was filled with so much joy. Joy that simply radiated off of smiling Cambodian children. They have so little but are more content than those that have so much. My first week in the village was filled with lots of weakness. I got sick on Tuesday and had to go to the clinic to receive medicine. In my depleting physical strength I found it hard to stay mentally and spiritually strong. My first week in the village was filled with lessons that the Lord had brought me here to learn. Some of those being intentionality and true surrender of self. My first week in the village wasn’t quite what I thought it would be, but it is everything I needed… The Lord is using this ministry in incredible ways. Life and Light, the name of our hosts ministry in Po Peyl, has b…

Hello world! I’m back on the map after a week of roughing it in the Cambodian jungle. This week I successfully 1. Ate fried grasshopper. Very leggy. 2. Encountered more than one scorpion in the grass beneath the light of my headlamp at night. 3. Rolled three-deep on a motorcycle every day for almost 40 kilometers to visit neighboring villages. 4. Awoke to the sound of roosters and went to sleep to the sound of tree frogs. 5. Rode atop a mountain of cow dung on a hand-tractor through the jungle, then used shovels to fling said cow dung all over a rice patty field to help fertilize it. I also successfully survived without 1. Hot water (not that I wanted it) 2. A shower 3. A bed 4. A Western toilet 5. Wifi 6. Air conditioning But these are small feats compared to what actu…