I Would Have Told You

You'd think I trust God, wouldn't you?  I mean, I did jump on a plane and move to Cambodia for three months.

But God has been coaching me in nothing but trust this week.

Here's the thing.  I have learned so much and grown so much during these past six weeks.  God has spoken a ton of truths and promises into my life that I know will shape me forever.  But during the past several days, I lost sight of what He's doing and why He's doing it.  I started to doubt His perfect plan for my life, and certain fears etched their way into my little noggin.

Fears of relationships being broken instead of strengthened from fourteen weeks of separation; fears of taking one step forward and nine steps back in my faith; fears of the inability to embrace who I am to become through all of this.

Long story short, I stopped trusting God.  I recalled everything He's told me, and developed an "I don't believe you" attitude.  Dumb.  So, I told Him that.  I confessed my doubt, and once again, He walked me through my trial.  This was a week-long, beautiful struggle, but I'll give you the short and sweet version of His therapy session.

He started by showing me Psalm 119:41-43, which says, "May your unfailing love come to me, O Lord, your salvation according to your promise; then I will answer the one who taunts me, for I trust in your word.  Do not snatch the word of truth from my mouth, for I have put my hope in your laws."

Okay.  So this verse allowed me to speak some truth to Him about what I know I believe, even in the midst of mistrust.

Then, He led me to Philippians 3:16: "Only let us live up to what we have already attained." Methinks He did this to remind me of how far I've come while in Cambodia and to encourage me to keep going.

Alright, next verse.  Actually, the next thing God showed me was a chapter: John 14.  The moment when my faith was at its worst and my head was spinning the fastest, Jesus told me to just trust Him.  He was like, "Hey, Amy.  'Do not let your heart be troubled.  Trust in God.  Trust also in me'" (John 14:1).

And then, He blew my mind.  The latter part of verse 2 says "'if it were not so, I would have told you.'"

Bam.  Just what I needed.  See, God has spoken so many promises and encouragements and words of wisdom into my life.  Why wouldn't I trust Him?  If it were not so–if being in Cambodia for three months wasn't the best thing for my relationships; if my faith were to fall back; if I wasn't going to be made new from all this — He would have told me.

That little last half of verse 2 is so simple and so basic.  But it is all I need to hear from my God in order to trust Him once more.  If it were not so, He would have told me.

More Articles in This Topic