In His Hands

I can truly say I have had an amazing last week.  I can also say that my heart is breaking.  I came into the centre knowing that I would be working with women who have been saved from the darkest streets- victims of human trafficking.  What I didn't know was you would never be able to tell that these girls have suffered so much.  They smile and it lights up the room.  They laugh and it dances around the room onto everyone's faces.  I also underestimated how much I would love them.  I have two brothers at home( who I love dearly,) but I have no sisters.  Now I have 17.  They are the most joyful, crazy, caring, sweet and helpful sisters you could have.  They are unbelievably incredible.

Although I am trying not to dwell on leaving too much because I want to be fully present here-  I also can't deny how I feel.  My heart hurts in a way it never has before.  And it is okay to be sad.  Like my leader Brittany said,"It would be more sad if we weren't sad to leave.  Now that would be sad." I have lived with these girls for two months.  I have eaten rice with them 3 times a day, taught them English, had them teach me things, danced, sang, thrown them surprises, laughed with them and prayed with them.  I really miss home and I am ready to go back- but this will be the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  I have said "good bye"many times in my life.  It is a completely different story when you know you will most likely never see their face again.

Last night for devotions, my team planned to wash the girls feet and pray over them.  Some girls started crying but I clenched my teeth ordering myself not to cry.  Then the girls turned the tables on us and wanted to wash our feet and pray over us.  More girls were crying at this point and as I sat down in that chair and they washed my feet, I started crying too.  God told me it was okay to feel the emotions I was feeling.  We were all hugging eachother, sobbing and telling one another   "'I love you."  It was a sad, yet beautiful moment.

I thought I was coming hear to shine light into these girls, little did I know that they would shine it into my life as well.  They have changed my life with their love, servanthood and laughter.  It pains my heart deeply to say good bye but I know I will see my sisters again in heaven someday.  God is continually teaching me to lean on him.  I honestly could not do this on my own but he is lifting me up in His strength.  He is teaching me to praise him when I feel broken.  It is really hard not knowing what these girls' lives will be like or where they will be.  That is the point where I have to trust God and leave it in His hands.  It has been amazing here, hard..but altogether wonderful.  I will never forget my time in Cambodia- these people have sincerly captured my heart.

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