Life Without Expectation

So here I am in Georgia, nearing the end of training camp, preparing to leave for Cambodia tomorrow, and reflecting on what God has already done in me. These past four days have been emotional but vital for preparing for this journey.

After arriving in Atlanta on Friday, we spent the night in a homeless shelter, but before we could sleep on the hard, concrete floors there, we were challenged by our leaders to go out onto the streets of Atlanta for several hours and share our stories with random strangers. This may or may not sound like an easy thing to do, but it was made even more challenging due to the fact that an event called “DragonCon” was happening in Atlanta that week. Let me just briefly explain DragonCon— It is basically a huge geekfest where 40,000 or so people come to the city for the entire weekend dressed in ridiculous sci-fi costumes and other crazy apparel. My group first went to a park where there were “normal” looking people, and it really wasn’t that difficult to talk with people and exchange stories and bring to light the Love of God, but then we went to where DragonCon was going on, and it was so hard to talk to people there without distraction and laughter. I can honestly say I was shocked and disappointed at how difficult it was for me to witness there.

Later that evening and into the next day, after we had arrived at training camp, I began to dwell on what I had been expecting for this trip prior to arriving. I hadn’t known completely what to expect, but I knew that thus far, this was not it. Disappointment began to set in, and I began to question whether or not this was even what God has for me. I got discouraged, and I decidedthat all I could do was survive the next four months of my life and just hang on until December.

Sunday, I was feeling roughly the same. We had our morning session, and we were asked to write on a log one more thing that God might be asking us to give up. I prayed about it, and I really felt the Lord asking me to give up every expectation I had for this trip because He has bigger plans. On my log I wrote “Expectations”. My team leaders prayed over me and sent me on a “surrender walk” through the woods, just me alone with Jesus. On that walk, carrying my log, I decided to give up my expectations and let God be God in me, through me, and around me. At the end of the walk, I laid my log down, and my heart and spirit and mind and body feel so much lighter. God is so much greater than  anything I could anticipate, and so the next three months of my life will be a life without expectations; only Faith.

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