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Nothing to Lose

The whole country of Cambodia went on holiday this week.  Woo hoo.  That means my team didn’t really have any ministry to do.  As a result, I’ve spent the whole week reflecting.

Oh, the joys of reflecting.  After several days of gruesome wrestling and struggling and searching, I finally feel at peace.

It all started when I asked God what He wants from me specifically on this trip.  There is so much to be done here—we have five weeks of English classes to teach in Battambang, then a month of working at an orphanage in Phnom Penh.  After much prayer, God simply said, “Give me everything you have for these next two months, and serve with a humble heart and a good attitude.”  Okay.  I can do that.  I’m here, God.

Then I asked Him about what He wants for me after this trip.  And, to my great relief, He wants me to continue on with the plans I made before leaving.

Okay.  So what is the point of being here in Cambodia for two months, then continuing on in America?
Oh, there’s a point, all right.  Not only is God doing amazing things in Cambodia, but He is also crafting me and shaping me to continue to do His work when I get back home.

Here’s what I realized.  I have nothing to lose during these next two months.  I’m living out of a suitcase; I left my family, my life, my job, my comfort…

But wait.  I do have one thing to lose: God.  Duh.  He is teaching me how to depend solely on Him.  During this past month, I have seen things I never thought I’d see, hurt in ways I didn’t know I could hurt, and fought in battles that snuck up from behind.  But through all this—the confusion, chaos, and pain—God is completely refining my faith.  He is holding my hand and leading me through fire so that I lean even closer into Him.  And, when He calms the storm—and He always calms the storm—I see a beauty and feel a peace that is unmatched by anything in the world.  It’s phenomenal.

But what happens when I go back home?  He has told me that I will indeed step back into a lifestyle where I will have everything to lose (thank you, Jesus).  So how will I continue to walk with Him as if I have nothing to lose?

I believe the answer is love.  I know, typical Sunday school answer, right?  Wrong.

While I am here in Cambodia, God is teaching me and testing me and giving me seeds to plant.  He is preparing me for a life in love with Him.  I’ve got lots of work to do before I go back home, but that work will train me into love.

See, when I have everything to lose, it is so easy to slip away from God and the romantic journey that He has for me.  When I get home, it will take true faith, true courage, and true obedience to keep walking as if I have nothing to lose when I really have more than I could ever need.  So God is introducing me to a new kind of love; the kind that sees through human desire and pride and takes advantage of every wonderful gift that God has given.

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