|

The rock candy’s melted, only diamonds now remain

I'm sitting here in a cafe in Cambodia, with tears rolling down my cheeks; tears of joy, tears from a broken heart and tears that have realized that at times, not knowing the answer is the best answer. 

This past week was a struggle for me. I spent a lot of time contemplating the wonders of God and trying to find the answers to many questions that have evolved in my head over the last month. I feel as if my body went through every possible emotion spiritually and at times, physically. I battled believing the fact that God is good. I feel a bit hypocritical typing that, but truly accepting and believing that this week, was a huge battle. I've been told God is good, I thought I always knew God is good, but is knowing the same as believing? I felt as if I was trying to put together this puzzle of who God really is, while words trying to piece together thoughts filled my mind, trying to find a somewhat just definition.  I've read over and over in scripture about the goodness of God, I've heard from so many humans about how good our God really is, but being in Cambodia and having my eyes opened to what I never thought actually existed was flirting with my belief of God being good. 

In A.W. Tozer's, "The Knowledge of the Holy", he writes: 

"If we would think accurately about the attributes of God, we must learn to reject certain words that are sure to come crowding into our minds…We must break ourselves of the habit of thinking of the Creator as we think of His creatures. It is probably impossible to think without words, but if we permit ourselves to think with the wrong words, we shall soon be entertaining erroneous thoughts.." 

When halfway around the world thinking, I can't do this anymore, God is good. When seeing children dig through garbage for food, God is good. When a 16 year old girl leaves her family with her 5 year old sister to work in a bar in Thailand, God is good. When seeing children beg for money at every corner, God is good. When simply owning a toilet makes you that much richer than those in the third world Country you are in, God is good. And when a 52 year old man hands you pages of questions of God and the Bible in another language, God is good.

In my head, I tried to find words to explain to myself God's goodness. I was trying to make myself believe He is good. An overwhelming peace filled my core, and I honestly cannot explain how or what happened, but it simply made sense—God is good. There are no words that describe the Creator, words simply aren't fitting. A concept is nothing without a revelation of its truth. 

More Articles in This Topic

Apologies Part I

More of HIM less of me….

I’m Glad