Uncomfortable Surrender

September 2nd was uncomfortable. Although I knew it was going to be uncomfortable I did not think that I would become so overwhelmingly uncomfortable, that I would start to question why I was here. All I could think was that this was not what I expected and this was not what I signed up for….Then I realized, oh wait yes you did.  As hard as the past few days have been, I feel that the trial I have been going through got me to the point where I was ready to surrender. There are a few things that occured to bring me to this point of surrender but yesterday was the day where I finally realized this had to happen.

 At training camp during our morning session yesterday our speaker spoke about how even though we may have surrendered a great amount of things, there may be more that God is asking us to surrender so that he can truly work in me and through me while in Cambodia. We got an opportunity to take a surrender walk, where we were to wrote what we thought God may additionally be asking us to surrender over to him for this trip on a log.  I began to pray asking God to tell me what to surrender. Connection to my family and friends at home other then the once a week internet use, comfort, expectations, control, and fear is what I felt God was calling me to surrender.

During my walk, I prayed with the Lord and it was clear in my mind that he wanted me to give these up to him. So in that moment I made a decision to say yes and be obedient to the Lord. It was time for me to rid myself of all the fears, anxiety, and all of the other struggles I was going through. I put my log in the fire pit  and then we got a chance to have some alone time, just me and God. I prayed asking God to reveal himself to me in his word and that is when I opened up to Philippians 4:6-9. I have read the verses many times but this time it really stuck out to me.

Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Don’t worry about anything; Instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”

This was really encouraging because I am a natural worrier and this was the first time I realized my peace will come from Jesus alone. Even if I am isolated and feel alone. I am NEVER alone. In this last week God has just been using different people in my life to be encouraging, whether it be my leaders, my family, or my teammates. God knows what I am struggling with and he is healing me through his unfailing love. It was time to give up my comfort because I know now that all of the comfort that I need can be found in God. It was time to give up my control and fear because I have no control of what is happening in Prescott,AZ while I am in Cambodia. It is time to surrender to him and know that HE IS all that I need. Tomorrow at one I fly to Cambodia carrying the holy spirit and a peace inside me that I have never felt before.

Please continue to keep our team in your prayers as we head out to the field tomorrow! Love you all!!


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