Woah, Jesus.

Day 16. I have officially been on Cambodian soil for 16 days. Throughout the duration of this trip, I can officially say I’ve mastered using the squatty potty, I’ve learned how to survive on MAYBE one water well shower throughout the week, how to sleep in a hammock, (since my kids backyard tent decided to betray me) and successfully survive without air condition and Wi-Fi, although, who really needs those?

To give you a more in depth picture of what my time looks like here, I am serving with a team of six other super solid girls who love the Lord with all their hearts, might I add, and we are working with a ministry in Siem Reap called Life and Light. Monday through Saturday morning we are staying in the village of Po Peyl, and then we venture our way into the city on the weekends for some team debrief time.

If you were to ask me the best word to describe the trip right now, it would probably just be a simple, “Woah.” In the dictionary of Hannah Bacon, (yes that’s a real thing in case you were wondering) this isn’t necessarily a good thing, but nor is it a bad thing. “Woah,” is the first word I would pick because it can so easily mean uncertainty, fear, and confusion. At the same time, It also means learning, growing, and trusting.

God has really been teaching me that my expectations, my wants and desires, and my plans are not always His for my life. I’m also learning that that’s totally okay.
I originally signed up for this trip because I have a huge burden for women who are trapped in the sex-trade in south-east Asia but I soon learned that we would most likely be working with kids. Oh, no. Immediately when I heard this, I got that sweaty palm and pounding heart feeling, kind of like that feeling majority of people get before they’re about to give a public speech.

It’s not that I don’t like kids, but I’ve found that most often then not, me interacting with little kids is rough. I just don’t speak their language or understand why they do and say the things they do. And teaching English on top of that? Definitely not my strong suit. AND for the whole month? Woah. Fear, doubt, and worry started creeping in. For the first few days or so, I had alot of thoughts racing through my head like, “God, why am I here? What was I thinking?” So I did a lot of praying asking that God would mold my head, my eyes, and my ears into His so I could see His children through His lenses, and I began praying that He would reveal His purpose to me of why has led me here.

Since those first few days, I’ve definitely witnessed the Holy Spirit moving. He has been so evident in all of our lives, and I believe He has definitely molded my heart into one that has begun breaking for what breaks His. He has been teaching both my team and I so so much. I could probably write a book right now about the things right now about what the Lord has taught us, but one of the biggest things is the fact that we can’t put the God of the universe in a box. He does not conform to our expectations or plans, he doesn’t JUST move in the big ways we may expect Him too, and we aren’t always going to get that mountaintop experience that often times feels so good. God is good, and He is Soverign, and He is bigger than. He’s so much more then a mountain top experience, His strength and power in what looks like the shadows or whispers of life can change everything, and his plans for us are bigger and better then our tiny little human hearts and minds could even fathom.

So here I am now. A broken, dirty, unworthy human who is instead being loved and pursued by the Creator of the galaxy, just like these children we are encountering day to day. I am able to see the love our Father has for us through His lenses by seeing these beautiful children and I pray that we can hopefully show them at the very least a sliver of His good love he lavishes on us.

Woah, Jesus. You are so good.

My hands are open to you, God. In a constant surrender, I am laying down my expectations for your perfect plans. They are open to receive whatever you have for me, they are open to serve and love whoever you put in my path, and they are open to surrender and fall down at your feet.

Here I am, God. Send me. Use me. Im yours forever and ever.

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